I’m back from RL trip!

5 Jul

Home!  I have some RL stuff, usually this blog is mostly SL stuff, but this is important and I need to say it, so please read <3

Vacation was lovely and the trip there/home is always interesting.  Usually I have many photos I bring home for possible gallery switch out, but there just wasn’t much.  I did get a few though, they looked nice on the camera previewer but I will see how they are and maybe have some new stuff later this month.  I am very excited about that.

Unfortunately, or well, maybe fortunately is actually the right word.. my dear friend who has been like a mom to me for basically all of my adult life, she lost her battle to cancer.  I say fortunately, not because I disliked her.. nono.. she was my family, not my genetic mom.. but yes still my mom in a way.  I do not have a real mom, and she was just the most special of special ladies.. ever.  (But my mother in law ranks right up there too)

I cannot be selfish and wish that she’d not pass away, for she suffered so much in the last few months.   I wish she had never gotten sick.  I miss the old days, a lot.  The cancer was quick.. but slow.. she doesn’t have pain now.  I don’t know how to feel.  I thought I’d cry a lot more, but I have cried for months and months now during her sometimes slow decline, sometimes very rapid decline..  There were times she’d improve, we’d celebrate even small improvements such as eating more for several days.. sounds silly maybe, but if we waited for something “big” to celebrate… truly we’d of never had that chance then.  There was no big improvement, only quick decline in the last two weeks.  My heart is broken, I feel so lost, so confused.  Who will give me advice, who will tell me that I am being silly (when I really am being ridiculous about something I’m afraid to try), who will tell me that the recipe I sent was so disgusting she almost horked.  Heehee.  Not always, but sometimes I’d gross her out now and then with a new recipe.

She is who I went to for advice for so many years now, she is who I wrote daily, called often, sent/recieved packages between us.  Celebrated life victories, cried together during sad times.  She did not log into SL because she just didn’t “get it” not onlyt hat I think her PC was too crap.   But she truly enjoyed all the stories I’d tell her and snapshots I showed her of me, the Tinies, the various “kid” friends I have.  She enjoyed the fact I went to Paris, virtually.  I saw King Tut’s museum, I walked in a stomach and told her how disgusting it was and of course I sent the yucky photo proof.  I certainly wasn’t going to gag alone.

I go between crying and rejoicing.  Rejoicing because I was blessed to have her in my life, she made such a gigantic impact in who I am today..  I learned much from her.  I still cry, I miss her, I have missed her for months.  I will always miss her.  Habit brought me to start thinking what I’d write her when I got home, only to burst into tears when I realized.. it will do no good to write.

I am sad.. but I am not devistated.   I am happy that she is no longer suffering though.

This will take time, won’t it?  I never lost anyone so important.  Distant family has died, but no one I really knew.  I never had someone so special, so ingrained into my daily life for so many years just… poof.  Gone.  I don’t know what to do.  I think I am numb.

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