Confused and troubled, I do not know what to think

23 May

I am very confused and actually troubled by some info I just heard. I want to clarify at the start this is not about any Tinies or any of the tiny health problems many of us suffer as of late <3 This is just another person in SL. Some may know who I mean, some may not. I am not going to call a name because I do not know 100% the truth and facts here. I can only go based off the sadness my own heart feels in this matter.

In fact, I almost posted something yesterday in relation to this basic topic. It was yesterday, before my heart became broken and confused though, I am glad I did not. It was to be a prayer request, but I suppose just the same.. I should request prayers because if any of this is true then maybe the person is not really all there if they think something like this is appropriate.

I am a real person. Sure, I am weird and I know it. How I am in SL is pretty much how I am in RL with the exception in RL, I don't say much at all. I am far too shy. I also have my own RL health problems so I am very sympathetic to those who say they are ill too. I understand the agony of being too ill to do what I wish I could do. I am real, I'm not just a cartoony figure on your screen.

So when a shop owner that I like says they are ill, and has a friend do the tasks necessary to close up shop and inform us all of the info along the way. It is a stressful thing for that person to undertake, first knowing your friend is so ill and then the stress of dealing with whatever loose ends there are in regards to the SL shop. Then I find out that it is possible things are not what they seem. I am saying "possible" because I do not know for fact but only what I am told and I am in no way calling the messenger a liar nono!! But, I do not feel like I am okay with taking it all as end all fact at the moment. We find out that apparently the shop owner created a new avatar and returned to SL all within what feels like maybe a week's time frame.

This is confusing to me.

I do not mind who's in SL. I understand the need to take breaks and to return when feeling better. I understand having alternate names to use. But what I cannot understand, is all of this, assuming it is true, and just feeling as if my emotions were toyed with. In a way, I feel very sad and heartbroken because I feel like I was in a sense, lied to. Not by the messenger of all of this, no no.. I in no way blame the messenger! I can only guess the messenger's heartbreak and sadness is worse than mine. To realize a game was possibly being played and using you as a pawn, that breaks my heart. I am so sorry you were put through that. You are very kind and did not deserve to be gamed like that. <3

I do not know what to think or what to say. I am angry, I am sad, I feel lied to, I feel very hurt. I feel just like back in EverQuest when someone said they had cancer. Then that person's brother came on to tell us the sad news, they died. We held a memorial service, we cried.. we all cried in RL, our hearts were shattered, healing was slow. He was our friend. A month later, he is back and we knew it was him. He "knew" us. Knew things that only the dead cancer patient should have known. He lied to us, to play a game with us, to see what we would do. Our hearts reshattered but not for the same reason as before, we were duped. We were played with. We were angry and hurt and sad and filled with distrust.

I am a real person. You are not just messing with a virtual pile of prims that looks like a kitty who stomped around in someone's garden. NO! I am a REAL person. I am typing this stuff right here, me. Me with a broken heart. I am typing the stuff in SL, when I talk about catboxes. Yes, that is me. In RL, I love the catbox informercials. They make me laugh. I am me, in RL and in SL. In fact, in SL I feel like I can be more.. me.. because I am not held back by as much crippling anxiety, crippling shyness, or physical pains that prevent being able to socialize. I do not trust easily, some may know why, others may just think it adds to my weirdness. It does, yes. I just do not trust people and to feel as if all this is true, I am.. for lack of a better word.. confused.

You hurt ME. You didn't just play a silly little game, a roleplay or a scene, this isn't just a single person game on your own local PC either. You hurt ME. I liked you. I thought you were so nice and fun and talented. You hurt me.

That same pain, distrust, and anger from EQ's event is the same feelings I feel now.

Am I warranted to feel this way? I don't know. Is it true that this new person is the old person? I don't know. Maybe it isn't true, maybe someone is scamming us and pretending to be who they really aren't. Maybe the real person is still too ill and has no idea what is going on.

No matter the case, someone is playing a game and I am upset by this. That someone is either you or someone pretending to be you. I do not believe it is the messenger playing a game. I want that to be very clear.

I don't like it at all :(

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